The Hate List

Sooo this is going to be kind of negative, actally very negative, but things have been really hard lately so im going to try to be more positive after i get everything out in the open. Kay? Kay.

I hate hospitals.
I hate doctors.
I hate AP Environmental science.
I hate exams.
I hate stress.
I hate Enviro teachers who teach you nothing and expect you to do everything by yourself when I have absolutely no time.
I hate scrapbook projects.
I hate fatty liver disease.
I hate my boyfriend having fatty liver disease.
I hate dieting because of said fatty liver and trying to be a good role model to a 19 year old.
I hate friends who turn slutty.
I hate people who are always drunk.
I hate the thought of leaving everyone in a year.
I hate not knowing whats going to happen.
I hate ticks.
I hate on and off relationships.
I hate lying and liars.
I hate continuously having to be a bitch when I know for a fact that I'm in the wrong.
I hate the fact that I hate so much stuff.
I hate people using the word gay to replace stupid.
I hate people getting into other's business.
I hate crying.
I hate being pissed all the time and how the only time I ever seem happy is when I'm putting on a facade or I'm getting attention.
I hate being an attention whore.
I hate sleep apnea.
I hate insomnia.
I hate allergies.
I hate being sleepy all the time.
I hate low self esteem.
I hate that everything seems so hard and I don't have control over any of it.
I hate not being in control.
I hate that me and Lowell fight so much.
I hate that through everything I've tried I still can't stop the fighting or get through to him.
I hate the thought of losing him.
I hate him being homebound for school.
I hate being jealous.
I hate that I can't ignore his past.
I hate being asked if i feel okay continuously.
Obviusly I'm not okay if everything is fucking falling apart right in front of me.

Anyway..thats the hate list. I'll probably add more as i think of them. Hopefully next post will be more positive.

I'm so bad at keeping up with theseeeee

Well now that its been over a year I think this is in serious need of an update. Or rather Jessie thinks its in serious need of an update lol.
So hmmmm..what's been happening.
Well 1. I'm grounded..fun isnt it?
2. Friday is my one year with my wonderful boyfriend Lowell <3
3. Winter formal is on saturday, my dress came in today!!!
4. The new semester starts on Wednesday, yay 3 AP classes lol.

So all in all, been pretty exciting lately right? I've decided I realllllly wanna got to Asheville and be dorm buddies with Jessie. Oh yeah! I have 1st period with her and lunch this semester! I'm excited. Everyone seems to be changing and growing up. Im almost done with Junior year already. Thats unbelievable. I think im changing as a person. I've made some realizations lately and its time to grow up a little. Im gonna start trying to make the best out of things I think. That would be a very good start.

Yayyyy I updated this before another 6 months passed by! I deserve a cookie =P Anywho...not much has happened..I passed all my exams! I'm looking forward to next semester actually. Me and Jessie have another class together..chemistry! Should be interesting. I still have no idea where the pottery room is..so I dunno how that's gonna work out. I gotta find more time to read. I've been so busy lately. I went over to Bekah's for the first time in foreverrr last night. She cut my hair for me, it looks good actually. I really should practice with my permit because I'm supposed to get my license in May and then me and Jessie are going on a roadtrip! Hahah, it's gonna be great..blasting hardcore music and whatnot. Today has been boring. I gotta go to my uncle's house tomorrow to babysit for his kids, I'll be there until Tuesday. I'm excited. I love going to his house. Anywho..I think that's about it. Nothing too exciting. So I'll keep you updated! Byez byez fo now. <3

Long Overdue:

I suck. I havn't updated this since like 6 months ago. I've been pretty busy though. I know..i know..no excuses. Well not much has changed I suppose. AFI is still meh favorite band. I'm listening to Veronica Sawyer Smokes right now. I saw then in concert last November. It was the epitomy of awesomeness. I might get to see them in March with Jessie and Sarah!!!! I'm gonna marry Davey Havok one day...it's going to happen xD. Anywho...enough about that. This is the first blog I've written of 2010! Wooooooooooooooo for that. My new years was utterly boring. I spent it sitting on Sarah's couch. We've been fighting more. It's quite sad. I misssss hanging out with you Jamie and Jessie. High School is not fun. What happened to.."these are supposed to be the best years of your life". I mostly spend "the best years of my life" sitting at Skids and getting fat off fries and soda or sitting at Sarah's playing ouija. Oh how exciting!! I hope 2010 will get loaddds better before long. Hmmmm I dunno what else to talkz about and I have to get off the computer is approximately 4 minutes so I shall leave you with this. I'm really going to try to update this weekly..hopefully it works out. I know Jessie will make sure of it..or she'll throw another rock at meh face hehehe XP. Well until later...Au Revoir...i has a french exam tomorrow and i dont even think thats spelled right lol..failure..BYEZ. <3

Hmmmm

I have not updated this is in a few days. I need to be better about it. My life is pretty boring though. Nothing has really happened since my huge epiphany. My dad has been a real jerk, but what else can you expect of fathers? Ive been spending most of my time at the playground with my friend Sarah. I have an obsession with swings! Oh, I missss you jessie, i havnt hung out with you since Jamie's house. Thats horrible because we used to hang out almost every weekend. I wish my dad hasn't like banned me from seeing my friends. Oh well. Busch Gardens in exactly a weeek!!! Woooooot! I loveeee rollercosters. I finished Cut and I Don't Want To Be Crazy. Both were excellent. I recommend them. I Don't Want To Be Crazy is deffinately good for people who have anxiety problems such as myself. I am now reading Blue Bloods. The bands that make me smile at the moment are Hollywood Undead, Avenged Sevenfold, AFI, and My Chemical Romance. They are lovely. Tomorrow I am going bathing suit shopping and then babysitting again. Oh what fun. OMG! I CANNNOT believe Michael Jackson died! I loved his music. =[ RIP. Wellll I believe thats about it. I gotta make a playlist for this and I will soon, I guess I've been kind of busy lately. I gotta get off now. So until next time! =]

Oh and have I mentioned how much parents suck? Cause they do, alot.

Epiphany!

Well I just had a very interesting night. Filled with tears and blubbering, along with self pity and guilt, and longing and loneliness. How Fun!? No, not at all. But I did realize lots of stuff that could be useful. As Jessie told me, its a bit cliche', or maybe a lot. I need to change as a person, but in a positive way. There is stuff about me that even annoy myself. I am working on it though. Last year was the worst year I've ever had and it was my first year of high school. My boyfriend broke up with me, my best friend moved away, another best friend kinda turned on me even though she's back in my life now. All that seemed like it was impossible to get through. And no, this is not one of those i found God and he pulled me through things, no offense to anyone. I realized all of it made me stronger. I learned that I can survive through tough times, there are ways around it. Tonight I was childish, selfish, and it was not okay. I did realize something that comes in handy i believe. You never realize how special something is until you lose it. I remember going to school most days in middle school and dreading them when now, I wish they were back. I wish I had appreciated it more. I'm also done with wishing. That means no more 11:11 for me. YOU have to make good stuff happen to you and not let anything get you down. Being depressed and hating yourself is not the way to go, it makes everything harder. Everything has its ups and downs. The ups end but so do the downs. Life is a continuous cycle. Good things come and go but so do bad things. There is a time where you HAVE to let go of the past and get on with the rest of your life. Life is too short to waste with moping. Crap happens. It will be okay.

Okey Dokey..Welll

As you see, this is my first blog, hah sorry, my life is actually pretty boring. I suppose you can say I am just your average awkward teenager trying to survive life and the hell that is high school. I am ECSTATIC that its summer. My days usually consist of getting up around 12 and babysitting my siblings, eating and getting fat, book reading, myspacing, aim-ing, fighting with parents, anddd thats about it hah. Pretty lame eh? Told you it would be. Oh, my friends Jessie and Jamie introduced me to this site so kudos for them and read their blogs =]. Umm i guess you could say i dont have many superclose friends but i have lots of acquaintances. I try to be nice to everyone and most of the time, I am overly nice, unless I'm in a bad mood then sorry if you get snapped at. Music is life, I will try to update music as much as i can, but no promises.
well umm I'll update this later, stuff just came up, so yeah.